Snapshots from the 'Per Adversa' 'verse
by lezzles1956
Summary: Standalone stories of varying lengths taking place in the AU established in Per Adversa Ad Luce Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, in Season Six with references and possibl Focusing on Ryan but also featuring Alexis, Castle, Beckett, Esposito, Lanie, Martha, Gates, Karpowski, and original characters from the 12th Precinct and their families.
1. The Wedding Gift

Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'verse

Standalone stories of varying lengths taking place in the AU established in Per Adversa Ad Luce

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, in Season Six with references and possible spoilers.

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

[AN If a snapshot needs an M rating it will be published under the title Mature Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'Verse]

* * *

_"It's family moments like these I will never forget"_

Rick Castle: A Chill Goes Through Her Veins

* * *

The Wedding Gift

June 2017

* * *

...

On her wedding night Alexis Ryan sat at the bottom of the four poster bed, in the suite her new husband had booked for them, and waited for him to come from the bathroom.

Truth be told she was a little nervous because she had a wedding gift for him, which she really wanted him to like, but was worried he would have preferred her to give him later in their marriage.

"Hey." She blinked and looked up into Kevin's blue eyes. She had been so deep in thought she hadn't realized he'd returned to her.

"Hey, yourself." She lifted her hand and softly stroked down his face. He lifted his hand to hers in response and she captured his fingers between her lips, gently kissing them as he trailed them across. He smiled and leaning closer to her replaced his fingers with his lips, twisting his body down onto the bed and pulling her with him so that she lay on top of him.

His kisses were heating up, and he pushed the satin straps of her nightgown away from her shoulders, and down taking the gown with them and revealing her breasts to his view and attention. As they always did his lips on her body, especially her breasts, awoke her need for him, and she was starting to lose control and concentration.

But she needed to talk to him, needed to give him her gift. They had the rest of their lives to make endless love.

"Kev." She spoke softly, but firmly and pushed herself up and slightly away from him. He looked at her in confusion.

"Lex, what's wrong? Are you OK?"

She smiled. "I'm more than OK. And I want you, Kev. I always do. It's just… I need to talk to you for a minute first." Her pulled himself into a seated position opposite her, and tilted his head to look at her.

"You need to talk, now?" She smiled again at the needy tone in his voice.

"I want to give you your wedding present. I've been waiting all day to give it to you."

"I don't need a present, Lex. All I need is you, just you." He reached for her again, but she caught his hands and gave a shaky laugh.

"Well, sorry, but you're going to have to have this gift, 'cause it's non-returnable!" He stared at her and shook his head slightly.

"OK, then give it to me, so I can get back to showing you that the only thing I NEED is you." She bit her lip and silently stared at him for a moment, and then gently pulled his captured hands to her body and held them against her belly. Now he really was confused, and he stared at her in bewilderment.

"Lex…" his questions faded away as she softly started to speak.

"You can't feel anything yet, but it is there; and in a couple of months you may start to feel a gentle push against your hand, and then a little later some soft kicks." Her eyes were covered in a sheen of unshed tears as she gazed at him and the wonder starting to bloom on his face.

"Are you… I mean are you sure? Are you OK?" She laughed more confidently now as she saw his total joy and acceptance.

"I'm fine. But yes, I am sure. I did three tests this morning to MAKE sure. You are happy about this, right? I know it's so soon, but I…" Whatever else she was going to say was lost in his kiss, as he showed her, rather than told her, exactly how happy he was.

...

And years later when her son asked her why they started their family so soon after their marriage and if he was an accident, she was able to answer him with total confidence.

"No Darling, you weren't an accident. You were what we both wanted and you came at the exact time that we wanted you."

...

* * *

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.


	2. The Return

Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'verse

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

[AN If a snapshot needs an M rating it will be published under the title Mature Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'Verse]

* * *

"Sometimes the hardest things in life are the things most worth doing."

Richard Castle: Antidote

* * *

The Return

January 2014

* * *

...

Kevin Ryan stopped at the base of the steps leading up to the Twelfth Precinct and hesitated to continue up them. He had gone up and down those steps more times than he could count, but he didn't often just stand and look up at the precinct and hesitate to enter.

The first time he had stood here had been on his first day at the Twelfth. He remembered the nervousness he had felt, but also the excitement and anticipation. He had come here from Vice, and although he had enjoyed his time spent there, _mostly,_ and had felt satisfaction with the job he had done, Homicide was what he really wanted. He had helped to put away many dealers and pimps, and there were many people he had helped as well, although most of them he did not meet and never would. Still his sense of purpose and need to help others which had inspired him to join the NYPD in the first place had been partly fulfilled by his experience in Vice.

But Homicide was always his dream job. He had felt he would be able to really help people get justice and closure here. He had also been looking forward to the challenge of the puzzles he would face. He had felt his natural curiosity to discover more about everything he came across in his life would be an essential asset to his future assignment and he had been really looking forward to having to dig in and investigate when the main witness of the crime was unable to speak to them, because they would never speak again.

And then there was the time he had stood here next to his partner and gazed up at the carvings above the door with a deep sense of disquietude and guilt. A young girl was dead… DEAD… because his reactions were far too slow; and he had allowed someone to take away his gun and his shield. The most stupid thing he had ever done as a police officer. Esposito and Beckett and even Castle could tell him that Jane Herzfeld's death was not his fault, but he knew it was, at least partly, and he would always have to carry her death on his conscience. And now he had his own wife's death joining her on his conscience.

He had been proud of his undercover stint on Staten Island. Proud that so many of that crew, who made lives miserable through their prostitution rings and drug trafficking, had been sent to prison because of information he had uncovered. His only regret had been the woman he had fallen for, but been forced to leave behind. But then he had met Jenny and realized that what he felt for Siobhan had been nowhere as deep as he had thought. He was attracted to her and cared about her, but the feelings had been mainly engendered by the time and place and role. The person Siobhan wanted to be with was Fenton O'Connell, and that person didn't really exist. It was a role he had been playing and the feelings were part of the role. What he felt for Jenny was on a completely different level.

Still, although not the love he had imagined, he had _cared_ about Siobhan, and wanted her to be happy and safe. So he had returned briefly to Fenton, never realizing that by doing so he would endanger his life, his wife and his future. Because of that decision the main part of his life had been swept away, and a part of him wished, not for the first time, that he, himself, had been totally swept away with everything else. His heart ached for the life he should have lived, but although he had not completely accepted it, he knew he would never be able to have it back.

And now here he stood, ready to return to the only aspect of his old life which still existed. Returning to the Twelfth could possibly return to him a sense of purpose back into his life. _Something_ to live for; and yet he still hesitated, rooted to the spot by a deep sense of dread and fear. He wasn't sure if he could even do this anymore, despite the support he knew he would receive from his partners and friends and colleagues.

Nearly everyone from the Twelfth, even some people he hardly knew, had dropped by the hospital at some point to express their sorrow to him for the loss of his wife, to wish him well and to hope for a speedy return to them. He had never before realized the number of people at the Twelfth on whom he had made an impression, and it wasn't just him; Jenny had made an impact as well. So many of them spoke fondly of her and remembered the home-baked cookies she had sent in to the precinct from time to time.

He was silently willing himself to move, trying to pep-talk himself up those steps which suddenly seemed monumental, when he felt a hand slap on his back and an arm go around his shoulders.

"Kevin Ryan! Welcome back, buddy. It's so great to see you." He turned and looked into the face of a detective from Homicide he had never worked with, and didn't know that well. Tom Conroy was a fairly new member to the bullpen, having only started a couple of weeks before the Ryans went away for what became their last ever vacation. Kevin suddenly remembered that on Tom's first day he had caught him struggling with the coffee machine supplied by Castle, and had shown him how to use it. That was about the extent of their interaction, and yet now he was making Ryan feel welcome in a way he had rarely experienced.

With Tom's arm around his shoulders, and his voice chatting away in his ear, Ryan finally managed to mount the steps and return to the Homicide department of the Twelfth Precinct. At this moment in his life all he really wanted was to be wherever Jenny and his child were. But returning to his job was perhaps the first step to regaining something back into his life. Knowing that others wanted him to be back did not exactly make him happy, because he wasn't sure if happiness would ever feature in his life again, but it DID make him feel a slight sense of gratification. Maybe something could be salvaged in his wreck of a life. His steps forward would be baby steps, but at least they WOULD be forwards.

...

* * *

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.


	3. The Dinner

Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'verse

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

[AN If a snapshot needs an M rating it will be published under the title Mature Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'Verse]

* * *

This snapshot was requested by the talented Firestar385, my wonderful beta reader and author of the amazing 'Castle' story _"Spellbound". _Thanks for the suggestion and hope you enjoy it

* * *

"…_my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend."_

Richard Castle: A Death in the Family

* * *

The Dinner

September 2016

* * *

...

As they stood at the door to Castle's loft waiting for the door to be answered, Alexis couldn't help laughing at the haunted expression on her new lover's face.

"Kevin, breathe! I'll protect you from Dad, although I'm not sure if you are really going to need any protection. I told you he cares about you too. He wouldn't have encouraged you to call me otherwise."

"I know that, but he's so very protective of you; you didn't see what he was like when you were missing. I wasn't exaggerating when I called you his most precious possession, and I really think he would have expected you to be home last night. Come on, Lex. The speed of this has taken us by surprise, and we're the ones in it."

She nodded slowly. "I may be precious to him, but I'm not anyone's possession! I am an adult who makes her own choices and he needs to start understanding that."

"I think he does understand that, it's just that you'll always be his little girl, however old you get. I think…" Whatever else he did think was cut off as the door swung open, revealing Castle to their view. He didn't look angry, but nor did he look very welcoming either.

"Ah! Come home at last, have you?"

Alexis scowled at him, "Dad, don't start!" she said in a warning tone.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Start what? I'm just saying you're home. That's all."

She pursed her lips. "Hmm, well we can always go away again, if we're not BOTH welcome."

"Of course, you're welcome!" His voice was light and surprised. "Come in, both of you." He ushered them both in, but as Kevin followed Alexis and passed him, he added in a soft voice, "I haven't got any guns, but I do have a nice knife collection!" Kevin's head shot round to look at him, and he swallowed hard as he saw the amused but also predatory expression on Castle's face.

"Not fair to use insider knowledge," he said, bringing forth an even bigger smirk.

"It's alright. You're quite safe. I promised Kate. Remember that Miss By-the-Book already told me that locking Alexis up was unlawful imprisonment, well apparently beating on her boyfriends is also unlawful - it's classified as assault, and as you're a cop, it would be assaulting an officer, which is an even more serious crime." And his smirk grew even wider as he also raised his eyebrows at Kevin.

Shaking his head, Kevin followed Alexis into the loft, to be greeted with a smile and a hug from Kate. The lady herself narrowed her eyes at Castle when she saw the flush on Kevin's face and his slightly worried expression, but the author just shrugged and then offered drinks to them all in a happy and welcoming voice as if the short conversation at the door had never taken place.

…

As Castle served their drinks, Martha swept down the stairs and Kevin gathered he definitely had her approval in pursuing a relationship as she swept him into her arms and told him how happy she was to see him. Martha had always been exuberant and welcoming when she had seen both Esposito and himself, but now he felt an even deeper level of acceptance.

With drinks in hand they settled down on the couches to chat until Martha's friend arrived. Kevin frequently felt Castle's eyes on him as they talked, but they were not disapproving, they seemed to be the opposite in fact, and he started to think that the words on arrival had been simply a joke to keep him on his toes.

His own eyes were fixed on Alexis as she chatted away and laughed and told them about the Swing club he had taken her to. She expressed her delight and enjoyment in the fact that Kevin danced, and that she would now have a partner with whom she could indulge in one of her favorite pastimes. As she mentioned this, she turned slightly and gave him a quick wink, and Kevin nearly choked on his drink as he realized the double meaning behind her words.

He just could not get enough of watching her. In a few short days his whole life had been turned on its head once more and his conviction that the rest of his life would be spent alone had been totally swept away by an amazing and captivating woman. He joined in the conversation when asked a question, but he was totally content just to watch and delight in Alexis' company.

He knew he was going to experience a great deal of ribbing from his partner, when Esposito saw how besotted he was with Alexis. But Kevin knew that his partner would also be happy for him and relieved that he was no longer alone. Javi had worried so much about him. He smiled to himself as he anticipated his partner's satisfaction when he shared that his housewarming gift had finally been put to use!

…

When they were joined by Martha's friend, Joel, the chilled mood of the evening changed to one of laughter-filled hysteria. From the moment he made his sweeping entrance, he proved himself a perfect match for Martha as his enthusiasm and enjoyment of life captured them all. It was quite amazing to believe that he had spent the majority of his working life offstage as his theatrical presence dominated from the moment he entered.

From the conversation of the night, it was clear he had been involved as director and producer of many very successful productions, and maybe his theatrical abilities were exactly why they had been so successful, as his understanding of the acting art allowed him to elicit outstanding performances from all he worked with. Certainly Martha seemed to believe that her finest acting took place under his direction.

He completely dominated from the moment he arrived, and even Castle had trouble keeping up with him. It was hilarious to see the author who usually controlled the conversation with his fantastical theories and spontaneous quips trailing behind. Castle, for his part, took it in his stride and seemed to enjoy Joel's stories every bit as much as the rest of them. If the night demonstrated anything it was that despite his apparent ego, Castle had humility in his soul and was perfectly happy to hand the limelight over to others.

As for Joel's stories, they were fascinating, interesting and hilarious. They featured many a household name, who had moved onto other media after honing their craft on stage, and many of the earlier ones also featured Martha. It was clear from the way he spoke about her that they had had a close and affectionate relationship, and they both seemed delighted to have renewed it.

There was an especially hilarious story featuring Martha, where the special effects staging kept going wrong during a production of '_Singing in the Rain'_ and she had to keep hurriedly changing her costume because she was drenched in four separate scenes.

"I swear it was like the staging was alive and deliberately picking on her, because it always happened when she was on stage alone, and no-one else got wet!"

Martha was laughing as well at her own misfortune. "I did feel rather picked on, but the audience thought it was hilarious and I got the biggest standing ovation at the end, so it was all worth it!" she added.

…

As the evening progressed Kevin still felt Castle's eyes on him, but they definitely contained approval now, and that approval appeared to be growing every time he glanced up and back at him. When they finally had their conversation at the windows, Kevin felt he had definitely received the seal of approval from the man. Castle had appeared to take it for granted that Alexis would leave with him, and Alexis' own delighted reaction to that assumption made Kevin feel on top of the world.

Despite the encouragement he had received from Castle to contact Alexis in the first place, he had arrived at the loft full of trepidation. This evening, however, had completely changed his perspective, and he left with his new lady on his arm feeling completely confident in the relationship and the acceptance of it by the people who mattered in his life. Despite how quickly things had happened he was already totally committed to Alexis and wouldn't have been scared away by opposition, but still it was nice to know that he had the blessing of his family and friends as he started forwards into yet another completely different phase in his life.

...

* * *

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.


	4. The Lullaby

Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'Verse.

Standalone stories of varying lengths taking place in the AU established in Per Adversa Ad Luce

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, in Season Six with references and possible spoilers.

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

[AN If a snapshot needs an M rating it will be published under the title Mature Snapshots from the '_Per Adversa'_ 'Verse]

* * *

"_I turned down the role. Turned my back on fortune. And, it was the best career move I ever made. _

_For an even greater role came my way. The part, perhaps the greatest role that I have ever played…_"

Martha Rodgers: Once Upon A Crime

* * *

The lullaby

July 2024

* * *

...

Kevin Ryan loved being a dad. From the moment his first-born had been placed in his arms, he had delighted in the role and promised the tiny little bundle he would always be there for him and make time to spend with him, and any siblings he may have, despite the pressures of his job.

The detective had seen the jaded officers who placed all of their energies into the job role to the extent of missed family events, with the result that they had lost their families and had to continue alone.

Kevin had done alone in the three year wilderness between Jenny and Alexis, and he felt the loss of his family would be a price he would be unable and unwilling to pay, despite his allegiance and dedication to his job. So, he ensured that there was always time between cases for family time, even if he was tired out. Of course, it helped that he worked closely with two, sometimes three, like-minded individuals, who were just as dedicated to the need for family-time as he was.

Spending time with Connor, and later Aiden as well, was one of the true joys of his life. Of course they also spent time with Lex, as a whole family unit. His intense adoration of his wife had not dimmed in any way. In fact, if it were possible, he would say it had grown even stronger as the days continued. So yes, there were times the whole family spent together; but he had to admit there were also times when boys needed to be boys and he delighted in the occasions spent just him with his sons.

He had always been a hands-on dad as well. Had delighted in sharing with Lex the caring for and changing and feeding of the tiny little beings so dependent on their parents for their every need; rather than leaving all that to his wife, and not taking an active role until they were old enough to walk and talk and play. Basically he relished his role, and felt he played it extremely well. He knew his part to perfection and although his boys continually surprised him as they grew and developed, he nevertheless always knew how to cope and handle any eventuality.

But now, as he gently rocked his latest newborn and softly crooned his favorite Irish lullaby into the tiny shell-like ears, he knew that he needed to adapt his role to encompass another slightly different type of relationship. Molly Mae Ryan had unblinking '_Ryan_' blue eyes fixed on her father's face as he sang to her. They were slightly unfocused, as befit a young lady barely three days old, but even so they held a wisdom all their own, and Kevin was convinced she knew exactly who was holding her and singing to her. And also knew that she would only have to ask and she would receive, seeing as how her dad was already completely besotted with her.

He could already feel the protective instincts swelling inside him, and knew it would be hard for him to not make her wait forever to have the freedom to do as she wished in her life. It was a double standard, he knew. And one he had always thought he would not enact, but the thought of her ever being at risk terrified him far more than it did even for his beloved boys. He felt a new respect for his father-in-law as he suddenly appreciated the restraint Castle had shown with not decking him for sleeping with Alexis after only one date.

There were many things Molly would be able to join with her dad and brothers to do, but he thought he would like sometimes to do things with just her. To build the relationship with his daughter that Alexis had with her own dad. In fact, if he used Castle as his role model he wouldn't go far wrong in building a wonderful relationship with his beautiful Molly Mae.

He realized that his daughter's eyes were starting to droop, so he lowered his voice for the last chorus of the lullaby

"_Too ra loo ra loo ra, too ra loo ra lai,_

_too ra loo ra loo ra, hush now don't you cry._

_Too ra loo ra loo ra, too ra loo ra lai,_

_too ra loo ra loo ra, that's an Irish lullaby."_

Molly was now fast asleep, so he quietly rose from the rocking chair, and with the practice of experience laid her gently down in her crib without disturbing her. One last kiss to her tiny silken cheek and he turned for the door to go back to bed, but stopped in his tracks as he found his wife watching him with a soft smile on her lips.

"You are supposed to be sleeping," he said to her softly.

"You've been so long, I wondered where you had got to. Do I have to be jealous of my daughter?" She raised her eyebrows and gave him a smirk.

"Well, I must admit to being totally besotted. But don't you worry my love, you've only dropped to number four. Not bad after seven years of marriage!" And he smirked back at her.

She softly laughed. "Well if I'm only vying for positions with Molly and Con and Aiden then I think I'm still safe and secure. So now what? Going my way back to bed?"

He laughed now at her quip. "No sweetheart, going OUR way as always!" And he kissed his wife and took her back to bed leaving their precious Molly Mae to her dreams of Irish lullabies.

…

* * *

AN: "_Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra_" features in the 1944 classic film "_Going My Way_" starring Bing Crosby.

* * *

A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.


End file.
